In the eyes of my children

I originally titled this post "New Year Reflections," but now January has passed. Oh wait... February, March, and April are gone, too. Hmmm. I must confess that I am often clueless as to the date. I was NEVER clueless as to the date when I was a teacher in the public schools. Back then, the date was paramount to my day. Last month, however, I figured out the date each day by counting up or down from the 24th, which I, for some reason, was able to remember was a Friday. I knew it was April, but for the life of me I could not remember the date. I guess my life these days revolves around times (wake-up time, dirty diaper time, bath time, nap time, dinner time, bed time...), not dates!

Sorry to digress there. SO, back to my New Year Reflection story. I was feeding Carson the other afternoon (think January here), and something about the lighting must have been just right, because I looked down into his face and there I was. I'm not talking about the genetics of seeing my traits in his face. Rather, my reflection was visible in his eyes. Truly, my entire face was reflected back at me in the pupils of Carson's eyes. I mean, sometimes I feed him and am so distracted by telling two other children what to do, or what not to do, or where to find something, that I soon realize I've hardly even looked at Carson while he drank an entire bottle. (No wonder he is a distracted eater!) But I guess there was nobody else around at that particular moment, and so I was soaking up his darling gaze, and he was completely focused on me as well. And then I realized, I could see my entire face as if his pupils were a mirror. Not just my silhouette, but all of my features were visible in the reflection of his eyes. I don't ever remember that happening before, and I'm quite sure the lighting hasn't been the same ever since.

It was such a cool, thought-provoking moment. In Carson's eyes, I could see the mommy that he looks up to: myself the way my children see me. A moment to reflect on how my children perceive me~ who their mommy is~ my physical being and my inner being. I know what it is like to think about my mother, and I know what it is like to think about my children. But in that moment I made the connection that my children will always think of me as their mother. Really? I obviously know that I have children, but there's something different about realizing that they will always call me their mom. Do I make any sense here? In any case, it was a heart-warming moment, and I hope the Lord will guide me in the amazing role of being my children's mother. That is a huge, crazy, wonderful assignment in life!

Happy Mother's Day to our Moms, and to all our Mommy friends!